Blessings...

"What if Your blessings come through raindrops?  What if Your healing comes through tears?  What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?  What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?" ---Laura Story, "Blessings"

God has used that song in my life like CRAZY this past week!  When I wrote my last blog, this song kept coming to mind...and then Ryder and I went out to run an errand.  Sure enough, what song was playing on the radio as we drove to the gas station?  THIS ONE.  And I cried and cried and cried a little more.  God brought this to mind and played it for me so that I could remember the truth in it's words...sometimes His blessings come through raindrops.  AND He has a really great reason for that.

In 1 Peter, Paul reminds us about trials and God's intention behind suffering:

^"6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷ These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. ⁸ Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, ⁹ for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 

Although it might not seem fair at the time, God gives us suffering through trials so that we can spiritually mature and grow closer to Him.  Throughout this time, Ryder and I have grown SO much closer to the Lord and to one another.  This trial has been really great for us spiritually and in our marriage.  That's a blessing through raindrops, don't you think? :)

God is really teaching me, specifically, to rely on Him.  I have always been Little Miss "I need to know what is going on, I need to know what to do about it, and I need to fix it".  Well, guess what?  I don't know what is going on, I have no way of knowing what to do about it, and I'm fairly certain I can't fix it.  What I can do is rely on my Father who promises the best for those who love Him!  I can rely on the promise that He will never give me more than I can bear and that He gives suffering to further grow me into the woman He desires me to be.  

I still firmly believe that God will give us a least one child biologically.  But, if He chooses not to, His will is far better than my own and I will trust in Him.  He's also teaching Ryder and I that He wants adoption for our family. More than anything, I think what is happening right now is God's way of cementing our desires to grow our family through adoption.  God has opened our eyes to the fact that many people do not consider adoption as an option for their families.  Throughout this whole experience, I could never bring myself to saying, "But I want to be a mommy SO badly" because I will be a mommy.  Whether I give birth to our babies or not, I will be a mommy.  But lots of people don't feel that way...and that's okay.  After sharing with Ryder, praying, and reading Scripture and numerous accounts of adoption by Christian families, I truly believe that adoption is a special calling and desire that God only gives to a few.  It is an honor to parent a child and it is definitely an honor to adopt a child to parent as well.  After reading through the website for Shaohannah's Hope, an adoption aid organization founded by Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife, I stumbled upon a very enlightening, beautiful way to view adoption...

God considers us His adopted children.  Numerous times in the New Testament, Paul refers to our "adoption to sonship".  Here is one example from Ephesians:

^"5 he^[a] predestined us for adoption to sonship^[b] through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—"

This is why I say that adoption is an honor.  Not everyone feels called to adopt; it is a hard, emotional process to take in a child that does not physically come from you and to love that child the same as if you had carried them within you for nine months.  You're accepting that child as your own, just as God accepts us as His own.  So, what He has shown us through this is that He wants us to adopt because He has designed our hearts to love babies who have no one else to love them; He wants us to love them so that the world can see a testament of His love and adoption of us as His beloved children.

God has taught me a lot recently (as you can tell) and I am beyond thankful.  I know and trust in His teaching and the way He is leading our lives right now...our God is really the best.  There aren't words adequate enough for His description.  

Please continue to pray for us during this time.  Ryder is meeting with his endocrinologist today, so Lord willing we will have some answers soon and it will be something that is easily fixed.  Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!!!

Lots of Love,

LEW

The depths of despair...

Okay, so maybe things aren't that bad but I felt the need to pay homage to one of my favorite characters of all time: Anne, with an "e", of Green Gables.  Anyways, life has been pretty hard lately.  Thankfully, I can see the hand of God moving throughout all of this but it is still really difficult to go through.  For anyone who might not know the situation, Ryder is having health issues which have caused none of his hormones to work.  I never realized how BIG a role hormones play in our body until Ryder got sick.  Right now, we know that he doesn't have a tumor (praise the Lord), but we have no answers as to why his hormones aren't working.  He has been taking thyroid medication and getting testosterone shots every two weeks and those have been helping him SO much.  But he is still sick, so we are anxiously awaiting answers and results.

One thing that has been weighing heavily on my heart is the fact that we might not be able to have our own children.  Because of Ryder's hormone problem, he is entirely infertile now.  If they are able to completely fix the problem, the doctor said that his fertility would probably become healthy again within 3 to 6 months...but we don't know for sure.  I have tried SO hard to act strong about this and to remember the things I know: God works for the good of those who love Him, He has a beautiful plan for us, and He has purposefully laid a special desire for adoption within my heart.  I know that if we were only able to adopt, those babies would be OUR babies that God designed for OUR family.  Regardless of if we can have our own children, we both have always wanted to adopt so I have absolutely no qualms with raising a family built by adoption.  However, I cannot deny the desire to carry a child within me, give birth to a child, and to know that our child is a result of the beautiful and sacred marriage covenant between Ryder and I.  It hurts.  It hurts really badly to think about not being able to have our own babies.  I'm the girl who has dreamt about how fun it will be to be pregnant and go through that stage in life.  It's such a special thing to carry a baby inside you...that baby is a part of you.  And I might not have that...
I know I would have something just as beautiful in a different way, but that doesn't remove this desire.

So, right now I'm trying to focus on the positive things and to remind myself that God has a glorious plan for us.  Whatever happens will be the perfect thing for our family.  It's really hard to not think about it when I see so many friends who are pregnant or have little ones...it's hard not to think about it when I turn on the TV and see a commercial or show about having a baby.  I feel like this is something that directly attacks an innate, divine desire God places within a woman.  It's just so hard...so, if you read this, please pray for me and pray for Ryder as well.  God has really used this time to strengthen us and our marriage, but we are also having to deal with some very scary, heartbreaking possible realities.

We are so thankful for the support we've received from family, friends and professors.  God has blessed us so much with a community of Christ-following believers who are fervently praying for us.  We're so blessed <3

Lots of Love,
LEW  

The Little Things.

I am thankful for a lot of things---today, I'm going make a list of ten little things for which I am so thankful!!!
I am thankful for:
1. Crafts---I love to be crafty and creative!  It makes me happy to work on something and see something initially formed in my head come to life by the work of my own hands!
2.  Music---I love music and I love to sing!  I'm not the type of person that has ever enjoyed competing, but I love singing for enjoyment and to praise my Father!  It's my favorite way to worship!
3.  Books---Reading is the best.  Everyone should do it.  Seriously :)
4.  Scarves---They are one of the best fashion accessories.  Plus, they keep your neck warm!
5.  Coffee cups---cute ones that are fun shapes.
6.  Coffee---preferably Starbucks, despite the fact that they are NOT healthy in any way, shape, or form.  They are, however, delightfully delicious.  Carmel Frap, all the way!!! :)
7.  Decorations---I love to decorate!  Whether just generally decorating a room or decorating for a holiday, I love it and I enjoy coming up with inexpensive, adorable ways to make our home festive!
8.  Strawberries and Avocados---they are YUMMY.
9.  Flowers---I really want to have my own garden someday.  It would be filled with beautiful flowers and would be a peaceful place to go and read a book or spend time in prayer.
10.  Cameras---I love taking pictures and I love having pictures!!!

Lots of Love,
LEW

I am thankful.

Throughout the month of November, I am going to blog about the things for which I am most thankful!  The first two things I would like to blog about are my two most important relationships: my relationship with Jesus Christ, my Savior and King, and my relationship with Ryder, my wonderful husband.

I am so thankful for Jesus.  As I learn and grow, I realize more and more how blessed I am to have a Heavenly Father; He forgives me, loves me, guides me, carries me, and never leaves me.  So often, we turn to things other than Christ when things are great and when times are hard.  When everything is going well in life, we might remember to thank God for His blessings but sometimes we just enjoy the ride without glorifying the One who created it.  When everything is hard, we turn to things such as social media, food, anything that distracts us from reality instead of turning to our Heavenly Father who promises to be our light when times are dark.  Lately, God has been teaching me that turning to Him, in good times and bad, makes life so much more beautiful.  I see things more clearly, I find more appreciation for every day life, I have peace in my soul, and I feel all the love He has placed around me.  I do not deserve to be called His child, but He calls me by name, as His daughter, regardless of my faults.  He teaches me and never gives up on me.  Thank You for Your love and mercy, Yahweh.

I am also so thankful for Ryder.  I am thankful for Ryder because he loves the Lord more than he loves me; because of his love for our Heavenly Father, God uses him to encourage and support my faith walk. God uses him to teach me and lead me as the spiritual leader he is Biblically called to be.  I am also thankful for Ryder because I know that he loves me with all of his heart.  Every ounce of love that God designed for a wife to hold in her husband's heart is mine and I am so thankful to know that.  Ryder constantly shows me the love of Christ by his service and leadership in our home.  I appreciate that he constantly strives to learn more about me and communicate with me.  He does sweet little things like telling me how beautiful I am, how I steal his heart each and every day, how he appreciates my work in our home and the support I give him, and how thankful he is for me.  But those words would not mean what they do if I did not know there was truth in his words based on his actions towards me.  He loves his Lord and he loves me; he shows his love in all the things he does.  {Along with all these wonderful things, he is also the most handsome, cute, funny, intelligent, sweet, awesome man ever created ;)}

I've blogged twice today.  It feels good to write things down! :)  And now you know the two things of which I am most thankful...there are more to come!

Lots of Love,
LEW

We've been married 3 months!!! :)

We've been married three months today and this is my second blog post...obviously, I haven't done a very good job being faithful to my blogging endeavors as the Walton Wife.  BUT we have been fairly busy for the last three months.

School:  Ryder and I have really been enjoying our classes this semester!  I have a few classes, such as General Physical Science, that don't exactly float my boat but that is to be expected.  I absolutely love my education classes though!  I've been able to participate in my practicum at Ralph Downs Elementary School this semester.  I work with first graders and I love it...but I think I might be geared toward younger children, such as Kindergarten or Pre-K.  I just love learning about early childhood development and how to teach children of that age range to the best of my ability.  God definitely placed me where I belong when He placed me in this major! :)

Church:  We've been so blessed by the opportunity to work at First Christian Church of Hinton this semester!  Lord willing, we'll be able to continue working there for many more semesters to come.  The youth group has doubled in size on average; some nights the size is three times bigger than it was when we first began working there!  Relationships are really starting to form within the youth group and we are all becoming really close to one another.  I've been able to teach the young ladies on Wednesday nights because we found it was best to separate the girls and boys for more successful study time.  We've been able to share openly as sisters in Christ and talk about things that strictly pertain to becoming a woman of God.  It has been such a blessing for me and hopefully for them as well!
I, with Ryder as my helper, have also been teaching Children's Church for the older children (3rd, 4th, 5th grade).  I have really enjoyed that!  It seems we have more children each Sunday and we both really feel blessed by that!  We have a lot of fun and we get a little loud, but we leave with hugs each Sunday!  There are some great kids at FCC Hinton :)

Work:  I'm really thankful for being able to work at Gunn Henderson.  It allows a lot of study time!  It's not a hard job, but I really enjoy helping out the freshmen girls and keeping an eye on everything! :)

Home:  We've enjoyed having our own home and I have really enjoyed being able to decorate for the holidays!  Being that we have limited room (and money), I've only really decorated our kitchen table!  For Halloween (thanks to my mother-in-law), we decorated with cute plate holders, pot holders and some cute figurines Mommy sent me last year!  Now, we have Thanksgiving placemats, pinecones, my Indian figurine, and felt leaves on the table.  It's pretty cute for design on a budget! :)  Ryder was extremely impressed with my ingenuity!  And as soon as Thanksgiving is over...CHRISTMAS!!!! :)  I'm excited.

Well, I suppose that is all for now :)  Life is good and we're alive.  Please keep praying that God will shine light on what is going on with Ryder and that he will be healed quickly.

Lots of Love,
Lindsay Elizabeth Walton

Married and Moved-In

WE'RE MARRIED!!! :D  And we're all moved-in to our first home!!!

Ahhh, it's a wonderful feeling...I really love being married.  It means that we no longer have time limitations or worries about when and where to spend time together.  We just get to "be" and it's wonderful.

Moving in was an exhausting process!  It was well worth the work though!  We got everything unpacked and semi-organized in about 3 days!  And that only happened because I have a hunky husband who was WILLING to move things and build things.  I couldn't have done it by myself!!!  But now we are all settled in and enjoying being able to just sit around and play MarioKart on the Wii or watch a movie in bed.  AND we have been able to finally start our "At Home Honeymoon".  On Saturday night, we went to a fancy sushi restaurant in OKC called "Sushi Neko".  The sushi was fantastic but the atmosphere was a little less than desirable.  It was very crowded, loud, and they played eery techno music the whole time...not quite the romantic dinner we were hoping for.  But it was delicious, nonetheless.  Yesterday, Monday, we went to the OKC Zoo!  That was a fabulous and HOT time! haha :D  We were able to see many awesome animals lounging around in the shade...and we saw ELEPHANTS.  We saw a BABY elephant.  And it absolutely made my day!  I don't know what it is about elephants, but I think it's amazing how God has given such large animals such sweet and playful personalities.  It blows my mind and makes me think back on the Garden of Eden before the fall...all God's creatures lived together in harmony!  Adam didn't have to worry about being eaten by a lion.  I don't know if he was "buddy-buddy" with them, but I do believe that there was something very different about the relationship Adam and Eve had with the animals in comparison to the relationships we are able to have today.  And I think we get to see glimpses of that sometimes...maybe I'm just some weird animal-lover, but that's my theory.  By the way, I miss my dog :/  

Anyways, I think I'm going to start sewing today or tomorrow!  I want to finish the skirts I intended to make earlier in the summer before school starts.  I'll make sure to take pictures of the progress I make on them...I haven't made a skirt for years or sewed anything in years, so this should be interesting!!!  Other than that, Ryder and I are going to start training for the 5K we'd like to do sometime in the near future.  I picked up an awesome pair of trail running shoes at Academy the other day and couldn't be happier with them!  We also plan to go bike riding...I don't really know how to ride a bike, so that should be fun! haha :D  B.B., Ryder's grandmother, gifted me with a beautiful new bike and I'm really excited to learn how to get around on it!
Oh, I'm also really excited for school to start!  I like school...I always have...but I think I'm especially excited because of the classes I have this semester.  I mainly have Early Childhood Education classes, so I think this semester will be really fun!!! :D

That's all for right now!  

With Love in Him,
The Walton Wife