When LIFE lands on top of you...

As all who read this blog or know me well are aware, a lot has happened since Ryder and I got married.  He got extremely sick and his body stopped functioning properly, which also led to the possibility of infertility.  We went through a lot together and God has used all of it to strengthen our marriage in amazing ways.  We are SO close and grow closer every day!  I am so thankful for that.
Now, things are much better, as far as we know.  Ryder has his first doctor's appointment in three months tomorrow, so hopefully the doctor will confirm that things are much better.  We are so thankful for that as well...
But now I'm the one not dealing with things well.

Throughout Ryder's sickness, I was able to stay really strong.  As soon as things got considerably better, I suddenly felt the deep emotions of all that had happened.  There are a lot of deep emotions to feel when your wonderful husband of about a month or two is extremely sick AND you find out you might not be able to have children with him.  Hence, I've been dealing with depression for a couple months now.  There have been days when I have not gotten out of bed, left the house, or done much of anything at all. My responsibilities were extremely overwhelming and still are at times.  But finally, last week, I decided to be honest and ask for help with all I've been going through.  It was hard and is hard every day, but I already feel so much better in a matter of one week because I allowed people to know what was going on and allowed myself to accept help.

So, really, I'm writing this blog because I want to be honest about what I'm dealing with.  I start counseling tomorrow morning and I am looking forward to talking to someone outside of the situation.  I'm looking forward to talking with someone who won't demean the situation by trying to make me feel better...I just want someone outside the situation to validate that it's okay for me to feel the way I do about all the things that have happened.  I think it will be good.
I also want anyone who reads this blog and is dealing with some really hard life situations to consider going to counseling now before you get to the point that I was and am at.  Wise people told me to talk with someone throughout Ryder's sickness, but I chose not to because I was the strong one and I didn't need to.  But I should have and I am now.

SO, don't be afraid to ask for help.  Don't be afraid to go to counseling even if you think you don't need it at the moment.  And know that you are not alone...that is just what the depression tells you.  There are always people out there who have your back and understand where you are coming from.  Don't shut yourself away from life because life is going to happen whether you like it or not.  It is your responsibility to help yourself and do what it takes to live your life to the fullest, just as Jesus did for us.  He will get you through, like He is getting me through, and you will feel so much better if you just take it one day at a time :)